Obviously, mainstream hockey columnists are running out of ideas. Take, for instance, the recent glut of features at ESPN doling out the hardware this early in the season.I kind of understand a mid-season piece on potential trophy winners, but it's not mid-season. Hell, it's just barely quarter-season. Most teams haven't played 25 games yet, but already the big wigs at the Four Letter are already tossing out the shiny bits like doing so means a damn thing whatsoever. There's even a poll so fans can chime in with their equally meaningless projections. I voted for Kipper for both the Hart and the Vezina. Not gonna happen.And sure, George Johnson, I agree that Vincent Lecavalier has had a great start to his season, but he's still got almost 60 games left to play, and his team is above only basement-dwelling Washington in the Southeast Division standings. A lot could still happen, genius.Can we at least wait until the All Star Game to start this meaningless exercise? Seriouslah.
photo courtesy of Gerry Broome/APWhen he signed an eight-year, $52 million free agent contract with the Flyers over the summer, hockey talking heads were apprehensive. That much money for a guy who's only 5-9, 175-pounds? That much for a guy who'd only had a couple of really good years in Buffalo? Briere instead of Chris Drury?Well, the Flyers didn't sweat it, and now they look like friggin' geniuses.Briere scored a hat trick and an assist in the Flyers' 6-3 crushing of a very, very good Carolina Hurricanes team last night. Danny Boy now has 10 goals and 24 points in 20 games, and his team is second in the Atlantic Division with 25 points and a 12-7-1 record.Former teammate Chris "Avalanche Ex-Girlfriend" Drury, on the other hand, has just 13 points (three goals) in 21 games. Though the Rangers are playing very well and lead the Flyers in the standings by two points, Briere is looking like the better free agent deal, by far.Briere says his critics can suck it. They'll probably have to kneel down pretty low.
I'm not really a fan of country music rising star Kellie Pickler (pictured to the right while at the American Music Awards), but I do wholly support her dumping Predators antagonizer Jordin Tootoo. That guy is a jerk, but in a "Sean Avery Lite" kind of way. I'm glad that Ms. Pickler is free to pursue other romantic possibilities. As in, me.In other critically important news, Mike Comrie's much better half Hilary Duff has been all over the news lately, as usual. Near the beginning of the month she was seen being a very, very bad girl, providing young Mike with a series of very public lap dances, albeit fully clothed lap dances. Clearly impressed with her talents, Mike was then seen shopping for an engagement ring (under "Quick Hits"). Everybody knows that dating for six months is by far enough time to decide you want to marry someone.Then, in the past day or so, Duff was seen at the Hollywood celebrity trash hole Hyde, hanging with friends until being "escorted out of the club" by an apparent buddy of Comrie's, whatever that means. This wouldn't be worth mentioning if Elisha Cuthbert wasn't also at Hyde that night, god bless her. I'm not sure what she's doing hanging out with fire crotch Shaun White, but I assume it's just for tips on snowboarding or something. And I won't even justify the rumors she's still messing around with Sean Avery. Elisha, please come home now.
Georges Laraque, the massive, intimidating enforcer for the Pittsburgh Penguins, was just trying to do his job. He is the hired "protector" of superstar Sidney Crosby, and he's good at it. Arguably the most dangerous NHL "heavyweight" since Bob Probert, Laraque is well-known for his pugilistic superiority.Last night, Laraque was on the ice in the second period with Crosby, keeping the opposing Islanders players in check when suddenly he noticed something fishy."Georges was just skating around and noticed something attached to Sid's stick," said a Penguins teammate who requested to remain anonymous. "He wasn't sure what it was, but it seemed to be annoying Sid because he kept batting it around on the ice. Georges then watched as the little object suddenly turned and came straight for him. All he did was hit at it, trying to beat it up, but he knocked it into the net instead and a big horn sounded!"Laraque, not realizing that he was actually hitting a hockey puck instead of an opposing player's face, inadvertently scored the game-winning goal for the Penguins. The goal was his first in 40 games, proving that he is a true asset to a team struggling to win games on a regular basis. The victory was the first in five games for Pittsburgh.
photo courtesy of Jonathan Hayward/APThe Vancouver Canucks were barely able to surpass the lousiness of their Northwest Division rival Edmonton Oilers last night, losing a scoreless game in a shootout, 1-0. Losing to an offensively-retarded team that only managed 19 shots on goal---most of them weak and easy to stop---is a tall order, but the Canucks were able to make it happen, rewarding the hard work of goalie Roberto Luongo with another pathetic defeat. Sure, they earned a point by dragging the game to overtime, but at least they still failed to score a goal in regulation."It's tough to go out there every night and not score a single point, but sometimes we get it done," said an anonymous Canucks player rumored to be center Henrik Sedin. "Roberto looked great out there tonight, so we had no choice but to give him absolutely no scoring support. That's the kind of teammates we are."The Oilers, on the other hand, gained two points on the Minnesota Wild, who are in second place in the Northwest and who Edmonton plays tonight. This matchup will prove to be another exciting, scoreless game filled with frustrating neutral zone traps and toothless, uncoordinated offensive attacks. Western Conference hockey at its very best!
