Crosby Fails To Score In First Penguins Game, Considers Seppuku
photo courtesy of Gerry Broome/AP
If Sidney Crosby fails to score at least 200 points this season, the world could very well end. The seas could boil, the skies could fall, and the Earth could reverse its natural rotation.
Knowing that he'll never really be considered a decent player unless he surpasses Wayne Gretzky's dozens of NHL records, rumor has it that Crosby is severely traumatized by his failure to score a single point in his team's loss to the Carolina Hurricanes yesterday. Reliable sources (these two homeless guys I gave a quarter to on the street) report that Crosby is considering Japanese ritual suicide should he fail to score at least an assist in the next game he plays.
It's unfortunate, but that's really the only option Crosby has. If he fails to fulfill the endless hype and expectations placed upon him by the hockey media, well, he might as well just stop living.
