Gratuitous Tuesday!!

I'm not really a fan of country music rising star Kellie Pickler (pictured to the right while at the American Music Awards), but I do wholly support her dumping Predators antagonizer Jordin Tootoo. That guy is a jerk, but in a "Sean Avery Lite" kind of way. I'm glad that Ms. Pickler is free to pursue other romantic possibilities. As in, me.

In other critically important news, Mike Comrie's much better half Hilary Duff has been all over the news lately, as usual. Near the beginning of the month she was seen being a very, very bad girl, providing young Mike with a series of very public lap dances, albeit fully clothed lap dances. Clearly impressed with her talents, Mike was then seen shopping for an engagement ring (under "Quick Hits"). Everybody knows that dating for six months is by far enough time to decide you want to marry someone.

Then, in the past day or so, Duff was seen at the Hollywood celebrity trash hole Hyde, hanging with friends until being "escorted out of the club" by an apparent buddy of Comrie's, whatever that means. This wouldn't be worth mentioning if Elisha Cuthbert wasn't also at Hyde that night, god bless her. I'm not sure what she's doing hanging out with fire crotch Shaun White, but I assume it's just for tips on snowboarding or something. And I won't even justify the rumors she's still messing around with Sean Avery. Elisha, please come home now.

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Rangers To Avery: We Hate You, Welcome Back

Despite badmouthing the crap out of him during arbitration, and having to pay $600k more than they wanted to, the Rangers has signed Sean Avery to a new contract. The calm, mature center went into the hearing seeking a perfectly reasonable $2.6 million salary, but the judge ruled that $1.9 million would be more appropriate. How unfair.

During the announcement of the signing, Rags GM Glen Sather said,

"We are pleased to have Sean under contract and are looking forward to him returning with the same passion and enthusiasm he brought to our team last year," Sather said. "He is a terrific competitor, who we expect to play a significant role in a successful season."

Which seems to differ only slightly from what he said about Avery during the arbitration hearing:

"[Avery is] a reasonably effective player as well as a detriment to the team. Avery is not a mature player. He plays, at times, like an individual rather than a member of a team."

So obviously Sather is not in any way being inconsistent with his comments. And I bet Avery will feel extremely comfortable playing for the Rangers this coming season, confident in the knowledge that his boss has nothing but respect and admiration for him. It seems like everything is going to work out just fine.

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Rangers Bitch Slap Sean Avery

Ouch. You think you're a major contributor to a team's slight post-season success, the local press loves you and you score a totally amazingly hot sex goddess of a girlfriend.

Then the issue of money gets involved and it's all downhill from there. Suddenly you're a detriment to the team.

That sucks for Sean Avery. Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy.

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Elisha Cuthbert Likes It Rough

Elisha Cuthbert, currently the chronic female companion of Sean Avery, made an appearance last night on Late Night With Conan O'Brien to promote her new movie Captivity. In addition to the usual mindless fare of celebrity interviews, Cuthbert took a moment to comment on fighting in hockey; namely, her boyfriend's supposed talent at it.

In addition to claiming that Sean Avery can fight, Cuthbert also called out players that don't fight, calling them, in her words, "a word that rhymes with wussy."

Now, the ability or inability of Sean "The Nicest Guy In Hockey" Avery to fight is for others to debate. Here at DLS, we play nice. But to send your hot, hot girlfriend on TV to pump your image as a tough guy when you only fought four times in the entire regular season just doesn't strike me as all that convincing, you know?

But yeah, she's totally hot. So whatever.

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This Should Be Good

Well, the Sean Avery Shit-Talk Express has already left the station, ladies and gentlemen!
All aboard!

"I'm going to hurt them, I'm going to hit them, I'm going to be in their face as much as I can."

I really hope somebody on Buffalo lays him out in Game 1. Flat on his back, out cold, Kariya-style. And Elisha, if Sean gets knocked out and you get lonely, don't be afraid to give us a call. We'll be there for you.

And Buffalo, if you need any help, Lappy isn't doing anything much right now. Give the man a ring and I'm sure he'll help you out.

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Good Work, Jerk

photo courtesy Julie Jacobson/AP

You've got to hand it to Sean Avery. Well, under normal circumstances, we'd like to hand him his ass in an old-school hockey beat-down, as he is still the most hated man in hockey. But he's really come into his own with the Rangers, especially in their first round playoff series against the Thrashers.

Just last night, as the Blueshirts continued their utter domination of the poor saps from Atlanta in Game 3 of their series, Avery scored two assists and managed to amass 19 penalty minutes by fighting both Ilya Kovalchuk and Keith Tkachuk. We're sure if Dale Hawerchuk was still playing, Avery would have fought him too.

In Game 2, Avery tallied a goal and an assist. To say the least, he's on quite a roll.

While we still feel that the world would be a better place if Avery was accidentally struck by a very large, very fast-moving object like this or this, it is good to see the Rangers successful in the playoffs. If only one Original Six team makes it far this year, we'd prefer the Rangers over the Dead Wings any day.

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