“Bettman has only a marginal interest in the weaker teams. He only wants the NHL to make a bigger profit as a whole.” -- Dominik Hasek

June 13, 2007

Chris Drury: The Avs' Totally Hot Ex-Girlfriend


photo courtesy ClassicBuffalo.com


Adrian Dater, Denver Post hockey beat writer and friend of DLS, offers the love letter he thinks Avs management should send to Chris Drury on July 1st. They should treat Dru like a jilted ex-lover, Dater says, like the hottest chick that ever managed to fall in love with you but you somehow dumped anyway.

We can admit this now. We’re big enough to say it. We just want you back, Chris, or, if we can indulge, “Druuuuu”. We want those playoff game-winners back, that John Wayne leadership strut that has a way of making just about every team you’ve ever played on become a champion at some point.

We had a good thing going with you, and we blew it. Those other people we’ve hung our shingle on since don’t add up to the square root of Sweet Fanny Adam compared to you.

But is Drury really worth that much to the Avalanche now? First, he'd be prohibitively expensive, somewhere in the $5-7 million range, easily. Second, he's a natural center, and the Avs already have two great centers in Joe Sakic and Paul Son Of Stastny. It wouldn't make sense to stick Drury on the third line, nor would it do Young Paul any favors, either. Drury on the wing would work to a certain extent, but he's a scoring center and works best down low in the slot.

Now, that said, Sakic isn't going to play forever, and when he goes so does his salary. Lock up Drury with a long-term contract now and you've got a replacement for Stastny on the second line when the young one eventually takes over for Quoteless. This is all just hypothetical, of course, but worth thinking about. And anyway, if you're going to blow $6 million on a center you don't necessarily need right this minute, better Drury than over-the-hill and down-in-the-ankles Peter Forsberg. His time in Denver has passed.

But again, who knows if Drury would even want to come back after the Avs dumped him to Calgary a few years back? I wouldn't blame him for dissing them this time around..

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The New York Islanders Finally Embrace Blogs, 21st Century

Does New York Islanders management read Avalanche blogs? Last week, in a comment on DLS-favorite JibbleScribbits, I wrote that NHL teams should build "blog boxes", separate from the traditional press box, to provide a space for bloggers to post in-game updates to their sites. Well, just seven days later, the Islanders have announced their plans to do just such a thing.

Now, I don't want to take all the credit, but it's hard to argue that my single comment on a relatively small Colorado Avalanche blog didn't have some kind of profound effect on the executives of a major professional sports franchise in the largest US city. Obviously, the power I wield through Dear Lord Stanley is far greater than I ever imagined.

With great power comes great responsibility, it is said, so with that in mind, I offer another suggestion for NHL teams to embrace in the coming seasons: Hot Chicks Rooms. Instead of wasting time with luxury boxes and corporate shilling, try adding a few HCRs around the stadium and watch the fans literally pour through the doors:



Remember, when Pittsburgh finishes their new arena in 2010, and they include several Hot Chicks Rooms throughout the site, you heard it here first.

(Thanks to On The Forecheck for the heads-up about the Isles.)

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June 12, 2007

The Avalanche Is Looking For A Few Good Frat Boys



Traditionally, NHL players have not been big on education, at least not education of the post-secondary type. Throughout the history of the league, teams have picked their draftees from the ranks of Canadian junior hockey, whose teams have no direct affiliation with academic institutions. Typical Canadian players, still the vast majority in the NHL, play junior hockey in high school and then go on to the minor leagues without cracking a single textbook again.

According to CSTV, however, the Avalanche has been the most successful team at breaking that tradition:

The Colorado Avalanche was the biggest drafter of college players in the 2001-05 drafts, selecting 21 players from the college ranks (this includes junior hockey players who later played college hockey).

Not only that, but while the Avs have not signed many underclassmen (those below their senior year of college), the two they have signed are working out well so far. David Jones, a junior at Dartmouth, just signed his first NHL contract and the other guy, somebody named Stastny, is a nominee for the Calder Trophy.

With other top university students like TJ Hensick and Ryan Stoa still working their way up into the pros, the Avs' willingness to target collegiate players seems to be paying off.

Not that guys from the juniors aren't successful. Sidney Crosby didn't waste any time sitting in college classes, that's for sure...

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Former Nordique Mats Sundin Not Interested In The Stanley Cup



Mats Sundin, the talented but not-getting-any-younger Swedish captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs, has agreed to another season with the team for a reasonable (and reduced) $5.5 million salary. Apparently Sundin, who has never won the Stanley Cup, prefers it that way. The Leafs aren't going to win it any time soon.

Sundin was chosen by the Quebec Nordiques as the very first pick of the 1989 NHL Draft (the first ever European to go first), but was later traded in 1994 as part of a package deal for several players including superstars like Wendel Clark. While the Leafs got the better of that deal, the Nordiques went on to win two Stanley Cups as the Colorado Avalanche in the next few years with another star Swede, so it didn't sting that bad.

Sundin currently holds the records for most consecutive 70-or-more point seasons (14, minus the lockout years of 94-95 and 04-05) and most overtime goals (15). He's also in the running for the coveted "most years on the wrong team" record, still held by Ray Bourque.

Finally, he's famous for his steadfast refusal to wear a visor despite nearly losing his eye to an errant puck last season, so he's a genius, too.

Good luck to you, Mats, hang in there.

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Pierre Turgeon Retires, Says "Peace Out, Homies"

Pierre Turgeon, the potential NHL Hall Of Famer the Avs decided to blow $3 million on when they signed him to a two-year contract in 2005 (79 total games in two seasons!), has decided to follow his damaged groin and calf muscles into retirement. Turgeon, once an excellent playmaker, also had a scoring touch. He retires with 515 career goals and 1,327 total points in just 1,294 games.

The Avs learned a valuable lesson by signing Turgeon and Patrice "Speed Racer" Brisebois in 2005: old men get hurt a lot. Nobody fell and broke their hip, to my knowledge, but the geriatric free agents the Avs tried to replace Peter Forsberg with just didn't pan out. Then again, Peter Forsberg is an injury time bomb himself, so maybe the choice of Turgeon to fill his spot at second line center was actually pretty appropriate.

Anyway, good luck to Pierre in the Hall Of Fame voting, and I wish him, and his groin, many happy years in the old folks home.

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Gary Bettman Receives Well-Deserved $2 Million Raise

For his tireless work to promote the National Hockey League and further solidify ice hockey as the number one professional sport in both Canada and the United States, for his efforts to make Sidney Crosby and other young NHL stars more popular than Peyton Manning and LeBron James among regular folk, and for his unending dedication to concentrating player talent in only the strongest markets with the best attendance, commissioner Gary Bettman received a $2 million raise.

Except that he hasn't done any of that. And he still gets the raise.

I would have made a post about this yesterday but I was busy screaming and throwing things around my house in outrage. Will someone please tell me why the hell he didn't get $6 million?!

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June 11, 2007

In Hockey, It's All About The Hot, Hot "C and A"


photo courtesy Legends Of Hockey

It's not easy to admit your vices, or, in my sorry case, addictions.

I'm addicted to the intricacies of professional sports uniforms. And amateur sports uniforms. And just about anything having to do with sports uniforms anywhere. I'm a hopeless devotee to the geekiest sports blog on the Internets (it's a series of tubes!)---
Uniwatch. So, it being a slow hockey news day and me being obsessively addicted to "athletics aesthetics", I decided to browse the various archived photos of the Stanley Cup winners at Legends of Hockey.

I found some interesting variations in the assignment of the Captain and Alternate Captain letterings. I first noticed something strange in the team photo for the 1995-96 Avs (also pictured above). There are four alternate captains. I know three of them are Curtis Leschychyn, Sylvain Lefebvre, and Adam Foote, but I'm unsure of the fourth guy. At any rate, four seems like an excessive number, considering the standard in the league is two.

But that's not the only strange instance of "C and A" that I've found. The 2000-01 Avalanche had three alternates: Ray Bourque, Adam Foote and Peter Forsberg. The 1988-89 Calgary Flames had two captains: Lanny McDonald and Jim Peplinski. The 1985-86 Montreal Canadiens had three alternates, the first year that designation officially existed in the NHL, which is why the 1984-85 Edmonton Oilers have only captain Wayne Gretzky wearing a letter on his jersey.

That's just the Cup winners. Who knows what kind of weird variations of captains and alternate captains have existed in the 20 seasons since both designations became standard uniform attire? As just one example, I know some teams have gone captainless in recent years (the Penguins). I wonder what the maximum number of alternates has been, and on what team? Anybody know?

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Patrice Brisebois Gets Busted Playing Hooky, Not Hockey


photo courtesy of gregorymoine.com


Patrice Brisebois was paid $3 million dollars to play defense for the Colorado Avalanche this past season. The 36 year-old managed to show up for 33 games, all in the early season, and then took the rest of the year off citing back problems.

Well, if racing his expensive Ferrari 430 on race tracks around Canada qualifies as "back problems", Brisebois was definitely injured pretty badly.

A driver involved with the Ferrari Challenge series of amateur races, Brisebois has competed for several years now. While he couldn't bother to play hockey, he definitely could handle racing his expensive man toy, it seems. This past weekend, at the Canadian Grand Prix, Brisebois finished fifth (or was it sixth?) in a support race prior to the main Formula One event.

Good for him. I hope he has similar luck on the free agent market this summer, because there's no way in hell the Avs are re-signing him. His comments after the car race indicated that he already knows this and will be looking for a new employer. Let's hope he put some money away and didn't blow it all on Ferraris, because his future NHL employment prospects look pretty slim.

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June 10, 2007

NHL Expansion: It Worked So Well The First Time



So what if several NHL teams are barely-watched from their actual arena seats, let alone on television? So what if the league itself is still the media's favorite whipping boy? So what if the talent pool is so diluted that some teams have to rely on just one really good player? It's time to expand, baby!

Word has it that Gary Bettman and his cartel of head-in-ass owners are interested in granting expansion teams to Las Vegas and Kansas City. Never mind the facts that Las Vegas is television market #51 and the majority of its workers spend their evenings staffing the casinos, or the truth that Kansas City has a great new arena but no proven demand for the sport. Forget the fact that there are already teams like Nashville, New Jersey, Phoenix, Florida and Atlanta struggling to keep their seats above three-quarters full. While you're at it, forget the already-failed US expansion scheme Bettman suckered everyone with the first time. There's quick money in it, so let's make the league bigger! Bigger than the NBA! Bigger than Major League Baseball! Even bigger than the NFL!

If the NHL needs anything, it's contraction. I'm in favor of dumping four teams and dropping the league to 26. Or, while we're at it, dropping to 24 would make for even-sized divisions. A subsequent rise in the salary cap (even if the rules have to be rewritten) and the concentration of teams in stronger markets with more talent to choose from seems financially sound to me, but then again, I'm no economist. Or, at the very least, move existing teams to the new markets---the Las Vegas Coyotes would still makes sense name-wise (it's a freakin' desert!) and it would really make Janet Gretzky a happy lady.

And that's what it's really all about---keeping the wives satisfied.

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American TV-Watchers To Hockey Critics: "We Don't Care About The NBA, Either"

The NHL has a perfectly legitimate excuse for sucking in American TV ratings: very few people, per capita, play hockey in the US. It's not something your average middle- or lower-class kid plays in his/her free time. Basketball, on the other hand, has no such excuse. Everybody and their mother plays basketball in the US, and their mother can probably dunk on you. Hard.

So please explain this: the NBA Finals dropped 19 percent in TV ratings from the previous year. Even the participation of one of the greatest young players in the history of the league couldn't stop the heavy slide for a league that's been struggling for legitimacy since Michael Jordan retired (the first time).

Have you seen an NBA game recently? The final score is 180-176 and players literally stand still when they don't have the ball. Hockey columnists whine about the scores of NHL games being too low, but it's even worse when the scores of a sport start getting too high. Nobody takes it seriously anymore. Everybody understands that hockey is still a really tough sport---they just don't want to watch it on TV. Basketball, at least professional basketball, is now ridiculed for being far too easy and people apparently don't want to watch that anymore, either.

And you really have to feel sorry for LeBron James and company. Game 1 of the NBA Finals had to compete with a rerun of CSI in the same timeslot. That's just damn unfair.

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June 8, 2007

Paris Hilton Is The Most Important Person In The World



How could I not jump into the "All Paris, All The Time" news orgy going on right now? I don't really have anything of substance to add to the hilarious legal clusterf-ck that is her life right now, or the emotional disaster that being subjected to actual reality has made her, but maybe I'll score some Google search hits with these dated but still-amazing photos of her helping Jose Theodore ruin his personal life.

That's really what it's all about. The more unique visitors the better!


Funny, that's also the official policy of Paris Hilton's sex life...zing!




UPDATE (6/9/07): It seems Paris, god bless her, has even single-handedly shoved the Stanley Cup-winning Ducks out of the Los Angeles media spotlight, which they got to enjoy for a whole day. Not that a local "bear on the highway" story couldn't do the same, of course.

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Hockey Bloggers Write About Hockey

The Stanley Cup Finals are over. The dust has settled and the Anaheim Ducks have waddled away with the best trophy in professional sports.

For your enjoyment, I'll roundup the partisan celebrations and obituaries:

Earl Sleek at the Battle of California's initial reaction is to get extremely drunk, but then sobers up long enough to pat his team on the back for finally not choking.

His colleague Rudy Kelly offers the perspective of someone on the complete opposite side of the Winner/Loser spectrum---that of a Kings fan.

Anaheim Duck Fan brings to us the many happy words of the Cup winners themselves. And Girl With A Puck adds photos of the champions.

As for the other side, the Senators, a collective stiff upper lip among the few and the proud that call Ottawa their favorite team.

The Battle of Ontario lists what the Sens have going for them, despite "not winning anything" by losing in the Cup Finals. Uh, I know for a fact that they won the Prince Of Wales trophy, and that's not too shabby. AND they crushed the collective dreams of everyone in Buffalo. You can't put a price on that.

DLS-favorite Sherry over at Scarlett Ice has been on an emotional roller coaster since the Senators dropped game one of the finals. Her initial reaction to the series and the loss of her team follows that theme pretty well. She's a good sport, though.

Five For Smiting has a bit of an existential meltdown. And finally, Kyle at Sens Army Blog takes the role of movie critic and starts throwing his thumbs at things.

Now, enough of the Cup and actual hockey. Time to worry about contracts and money---the offseason is here baby!

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June 7, 2007

Crybaby Watch™: Cox Wishes They Were Bigger

Not exactly sure how I missed this a couple of days ago, but Damien Cox on ESPN.com has cast his vote for the the same silly gimmick oft-proposed by otherwise-heroic colleague John Buccigross.

The premise: goal scoring is down. The subtext: the more goals scored the better.

Cox blames defense first, which of course has become absolutely stifling in the past few seasons. He also cites the obvious:

By the late 1980s and early 1990s, however, all goaltending equipment was being revolutionized by new materials and ideas. While the size of goal pads had always been regulated, most of the rest of goaltending gear hadn't. Quite naturally, that motivated many to go bigger. And bigger.

The result was that, by the late 1990s, the available shooting area had shrunk drastically from the 1960s to the modern era.

So, the two reasons goal scoring is down are 1) defensive dominance and 2) bloated goalies. Obviously, the only solution is to make the goals bigger!

I'm no genius, but wouldn't it be easier just to tell the goalies "enough of the crap, you sissies" and draw up strict rules for their equipment sizing? It's not like that technology hasn't advanced by leaps and bounds in recent years. Thin is in. I've said it before and I'll say it again, the NHL would be much better if Martin Brodeur looked more like Ken Dryden.

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Scott Burnside Finally Gets Something Right

It's no secret that DLS isn't a big fan of ESPN.com hockey columnist Scott Burnside. We've definitely had our differences in the past. But, as part of his "memorable moments of the playoffs" article today, he includes a jab at the favorite target of every Avs fan: Detroit.

As for the place that likes to call itself Hockeytown, Detroit, they should be forced to loan that title to Buffalo after failing to sell out a single home date during the playoffs. Guess that's what you get for driving up your playoff ticket prices when the local economy is in the tank.

Finally he gets something right.

So what if the Avs didn't make the playoffs this season? The Wings ultimately lost in the Western finals anyway so all their hard work got them nothing. The Avs, in the meantime, got to rest an extra month and a half and work on their golf swings. I'd say Colorado got the better end of that deal.

PS - You don't think I'd actually waste more space talking about the stupid Ducks, did you?

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Santa Claus Leads Water Fowl To First Stanley Cup Victory


photo courtesy Getty Images


The Anaheim Ducks did what many a hockey pundit predicted they would do back when the season began: they won the Stanley Cup. The Mighty Senators Of Ottawa played well all year and crushed their playoff opponents, but just couldn't seal the deal in the final series. Now, for the first time ever, the Cup is going to California.

How did the Ducks do it? Through a combination of good sportsmanship, clean play, and a classy demeanor on the ice at all times. It's always good to see that.

As for individual players, Scott and Rob Niedermayer get to take the Cup home to mom together, and now Rob might be included in the will. No more suffering in Scotty's shadow. No sir.

Oh, and everybody loves Chris Pronger, so his hoisting of the Cup will forever be a cherished moment in NHL history. ..

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