Dear Lord Stanley...

October 17, 2007

Hartley Rewarded For Hard Work As Coach Of Lousy Team

Bob Hartley is not a bad coach. He won a Stanley Cup with the Colorado Avalanche back in 2001, so obviously he has talent behind the bench. But, looking at the lineup of that team, even Wayne Gretzky could have coached the Avs to a championship.

I kid the Great One, I kid.

But back to Hartley, today the Atlanta Thrashers fired his ass because they haven't managed to win a game yet this season---the only winless team in the entire NHL. It's not uncommon for a hockey team to fire their coach when they can't win any games. But is it really Hartley's fault? The team isn't exactly stacked with talent. It's not exactly stacked with anything except a bunch of guys who are either too old to still be playing or belong in the AHL. Hossa and Kovalchuk are pretty good, but Hossa's injured. One guy can't carry an entire team.

So, is it fair to fire a coach when the front office doesn't give him all that much to work with? Hartley has proven in the past that when given a lineup almost totally filled with All-Stars, he can win a Cup. Why is it so hard for Atlanta to provide that for him?

October 15, 2007

Bear With Me

Due to a severe lack of spare time, and my contractual obligation to keep Mile High Hockey up-to-date and as active as possible, Dear Lord Stanley will be taking ~~a week~~ two days or so off---not that it hasn't kind of done that already.

Bear with me while I pull my head out of my ass and get things together. Thanks.

October 9, 2007

Gratuitous Tuesday

The Flames could use some serious cheerleading after going 0-1-1 in their first two games under new coach "Iron" Mike Keenan. Even worse, both games were at home, where Calgary is usually very strong. Scott Burnside lays it out for us in the final paragraph of this article.

On the opposite end of the luck spectrum, enjoying some of the best of his life, Mike Comrie continues to have a big impact on his New York Islanders team. In the first two games of the season, Comrie scored two goals, including two game-winners. Things must be going really well for him these days. Though he didn't get a goal against the Capitals last night, Mikie Poo is still playing really well. I bet there's something (or someone) to blame for all of his strong play lately.

Finally, it's been known for a week now that former American Idol cast member Kellie Pickler has broken it off with Predators ~~douche bag~~ enforcer Jordin Tootoo. But her luck as a single girl isn't turning out like she probably planned. She's getting some action, sure, but in all the wrong places. Hang in there, Kellie, hang in there.

My door is always open, except when Elisha is over.

October 7, 2007

Paul Stastny Asks, Who's YOUR Daddy?

Paul Stastny has quite a legacy to live up to. His dad, Hall of Fame player for the Quebec Nordiques (with a brief stint on the Devils), was Peter Stastny.

Who's Sidney Crosby's dad? Is he in the Hall? I think not.

Though it's obviously a tall order, Stastny doesn't seem to be having any trouble following in his dad's footsteps. Last season, he finished second in the Calder voting for Rookie Of The Year (behind some kid named Malkin). This season, well, he's doing slightly better.

Stastny scored five points (1g, 4a) against the San Jose Sharks on Sunday night, which, combined with his hat trick in the first game of the season for his Colorado Avalanche team, brings him to eight total for the year. In three games.

In case you're bad at math, Son Of Stastny (as I call him) is on pace to score 219 points this season. I can see absolutely no reason why he wouldn't do so. It would only be a three-fold increase of his point total from last season, which is completely normal for a second-year player. Oh, and 219 points would set a new record, replacing some other guy with a "y" at the end of his name.

Son Of Stastny will not be denied.

October 6, 2007

Roenick Defies Critics, Geritol Addiction, Scores Two Goals For Sharks

photo courtesy of Richard Lam/AP
Jeremy Roenick still hasn't gotten the memo. He's too old to still be playing hockey in the NHL. Everybody seems to understand this but him.

On the same night that fellow AARP member Bill Guerin scored three assists for the Islanders, Roenick led his new team, the Sharks, to a 3-1 win over the Vancouver Canucks by scoring two goals. Both were against Roberto Luongo (the most perfect goaltender in history, EVER), in case the significance hasn't yet set in for you.

The goals were Roenicks' 496th and 497th overall. If he were to score three more, he would become only the third American-born player to reach the milestone of 500, following Joe Mullen and Mike "don't call me Willa's bitch" Modano. Retirement communities around the country are no doubt rooting hard for Jeremy.

Crosby Fails To Score In First Penguins Game, Considers Seppuku

photo courtesy of Gerry Broome/AP
If Sidney Crosby fails to score at least 200 points this season, the world could very well end. The seas could boil, the skies could fall, and the Earth could reverse its natural rotation.

Knowing that he'll never really be considered a decent player unless he surpasses Wayne Gretzky's dozens of NHL records, rumor has it that Crosby is severely traumatized by his failure to score a single point in his team's loss to the Carolina Hurricanes yesterday. Reliable sources (these two homeless guys I gave a quarter to on the street) report that Crosby is considering Japanese ritual suicide should he fail to score at least an assist in the next game he plays.

It's unfortunate, but that's really the only option Crosby has. If he fails to fulfill the endless hype and expectations placed upon him by the hockey media, well, he might as well just stop living.

October 2, 2007

Get On With It!

All that London bullsh-t aside, the NHL season gets started tomorrow night. I've got my subscription to Center Ice Online, various refreshments, my game-time apparel and my alternative outfit if the first one gets overly soiled---you know, from the beer. Or whatever.

Now all I need is a nice group of young, attractive ladies to watch the games with. Oh, wait, I meant these ladies. Oops.

Because I'm so excited about the upcoming season, I'm not doing a Gratuitous Tuesday post this week. There's just too many other things to think about than some cheap, skanky, totally inappropriate pictures posted for no reason whatsoever. I'm not going to stoop that low this time. No sir.

So get ready for the season to get going, and look out for the best year ever from Dear Lord Stanley. Or, if not the best, at least the most likely to get you fired from your job.

October 1, 2007

Avalanche Bloggers Have Too Much Spare Time

The numerous and talented Avalanche bloggers on this here net of inters have combined forces. The result, the first ever Avalanche Blogger Roundtable. Nine blogs, eleven bloggers, and the answers to eight important questions you probably never thought to ask about the best team in the NHL.

The center of all the action is my other blog (the good one), Mile High Hockey.

Be sure to check it out. You've got nothing better to do, right?

September 28, 2007

Learn Almost Nothing New About Me

I was asked to do a quick "interview" (more like a questionnaire) for a site called BlogInterviewer.com. If you're interested, check it out here.

It will take you all of about two seconds to read.

Then give me the "thumbs up" rating and go about your business.

September 26, 2007

Bill Wirtz Makes Me Feel Like An Ass

Two days ago, in a blog post about Patrick "Gretzky" Kane's loose lips, I made a reference to the Blackhawks as "undeniably the worst-run and least-promising franchise" in the entire NHL.

Today, Blackhawks owner Bill Wirtz died of cancer.

Now I feel like an ass.

It's not that I'm wrong, the Blackhawks really ARE the worst-run, least-promising franchise in the entire NHL. And it's also true that Wirtz was a really terrible hockey owner, a guy that tried to run a sports team like a Wal-Mart---spend nothing on the people that work there and desperately cling to the bottom line. It works for discount superstores, but not for NHL franchises. Wirtz destroyed what once was a great and glorious tradition in Chicago.

But Wirtz wasn't just a hockey owner, he was also a really generous philanthropist. While he wrung the Blackhawks free of talent and fans with his spendthrift ways, he instead spent money doing what really matters---helping other people.

So rest in peace, Dollar Bill. Let's hope your charity work continues on in your absence, and let's hope the Blackhawks someday recover from your presence.
And let's hope Patrick Kane learns to keep his mouth shut.

September 25, 2007

Gratuitous Tuesday: In The Duff

If there's one thing everybody in the entire world knows to be true, it's this: young, attractive, filthy rich celebrities really NEED very expensive presents from other rich celebrities.

Case in point: young Hilary Duff just celebrated her 20th birthday (god bless her) and her filthy rich boyfriend Mike Comrie came up big (so to speak). Obviously in the giving mood, he sprung (sorry) for a pretty impressive present. If there's one thing a 20 year-old girl needs more than anything else in the world, it's a $100,000 Mercedes SUV. If anyone can really appreciate the value of something like that, it's an almost-still-a-teen pop princess.

Anyway, it's not all glamor and fun in the world of Duffrie™ though (trademark Dear Lord Stanley 2007). No, sometimes they have to slum it out and get their hands dirty. Sometimes Hilary has to sit in the stands at Islanders games and watch Mikie Poo and his teammates duke it out with the entire Rangers team. And then watch him score the game-winner. What a tough life.

Let's just hope Hilary plays it safe in that new ride of hers. We wouldn't want to see her do something she'll probably regret.

I'd hate that.

September 24, 2007

Patrick Kane Is Humble

Look, Greg at the Fanhouse may take issue with Patrick Kane comparing himself and fellow Blackhawks teammate Jonathan "Broken" Toews to Michael Jordan and Scottie Pippen, but not me. I think Kane was right on.

Yes, it's true that Jordan and Pippen won multiple national championships with the Bulls and became icons through a ton of hard work and dedication to success over the course of long NBA careers. Yes, it's also true that Toews and Kane have yet to play a single regular season game in the NHL. And yes, it's absolutely true that the young superstars-in-the-making will be suiting up for what is undeniably the worst-run and least-promising franchise in the entire league. But you just can't argue with a statement like that.

Patrick Kane, welcome to the NHL. You may not have actually played in it yet, but you're already well on your way to filling the very large shoes former 'Hawk Jeremy Roenick still refuses to take off.

September 23, 2007

Lightning Struck By Freak Injury

Dan Boyle, the high-scoring, highly-effective defensive star of the Tampa Bay Lightning won't be scoring any more goals for a little while. In a brief lapse of attention, he managed to drop a skate on himself in the locker room, cutting a tendon in his wrist.

Now he'll need surgery and rehab time.

Oops.

In other cheerful news for the Lightning, they lost their pre-season game against the Capitals and Vincent Lecavalier, their 50 goal-scorer, left early with one of those pesky "undisclosed upper body" injuries. Not good.

I have a feeling they'll be losing a lot more games to the Capitals if this injury bug keeps up. It could only get worse for the Lightning if Martin St. Louis hits his head walking under a locker room bench.

September 20, 2007

Breaking: As In, His Finger - Toews Out

Jonathan "Stubby" Toews, the Blackhawks' super prospect and god among men, won't be playing any hockey for about three weeks. The genius managed to break his index finger in last night's pre-season game against the Blue Jackets (the 'Hawks lost 4-3).

That's a bummer for Chicago in a season that will likely be more or less horrible no matter what. They're doomed. Might as well just admit it, kill Toews as a sacrifice to the Hockey Gods, and move on.

The quicker the better.

September 18, 2007

Breaking: Jonathan Toews Scores First Ever NHL Goal OMG WTF

photo courtesy Terry Gilliam/AP. No, not the same guy.
OMG! OMG! OMG!

Sure, it's not really a goal because it's just the pre-season, but uber-prospect Jonathan Toews has scored his first ever goal against another team that also plays in the NHL. As of this moment, his Chicago Blackhawks are leading the Blue Jackets 4-2 in the third period.

Holy crap he's the second coming of Sidney Crosby, I just freakin' know it!

Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)

template by free-web-template.blogspot.com