Dear Lord Stanley...: Avalanche

Showing posts with label Avalanche. Show all posts

Showing posts with label Avalanche. Show all posts

November 17, 2007

Jose Theodore Imitates A Snowman In August

photo courtesy of Matt Slocum/AP
Jose Theodore almost had everyone fooled. He managed to play very well for four games straight, as the Colorado Avalanche built up a decent early-season record of 11-5-2, while splitting the team's goaltending duties with the historically more consistent Peter Budaj.

Until last night against the Dallas Stars, that is.

In a meltdown of epic proportions, Theodore revealed his true form, the same sucky form he had last year, the year before and the year before that. Everyone was waiting for it; everyone knew it was coming. It was just a matter of when. Well, when is now.

Part of a 6-1 rout, Theodore gave up five goals on fifteen shots before being pulled in the middle of the second period. Theodore then instantly became a puddle on the Avalanche bench, leaving behind only a baseball hat and a bottle of Propecia. And a love note from Paris Hilton.

October 7, 2007

Paul Stastny Asks, Who's YOUR Daddy?

Paul Stastny has quite a legacy to live up to. His dad, Hall of Fame player for the Quebec Nordiques (with a brief stint on the Devils), was Peter Stastny.

Who's Sidney Crosby's dad? Is he in the Hall? I think not.

Though it's obviously a tall order, Stastny doesn't seem to be having any trouble following in his dad's footsteps. Last season, he finished second in the Calder voting for Rookie Of The Year (behind some kid named Malkin). This season, well, he's doing slightly better.

Stastny scored five points (1g, 4a) against the San Jose Sharks on Sunday night, which, combined with his hat trick in the first game of the season for his Colorado Avalanche team, brings him to eight total for the year. In three games.

In case you're bad at math, Son Of Stastny (as I call him) is on pace to score 219 points this season. I can see absolutely no reason why he wouldn't do so. It would only be a three-fold increase of his point total from last season, which is completely normal for a second-year player. Oh, and 219 points would set a new record, replacing some other guy with a "y" at the end of his name.

Son Of Stastny will not be denied.

October 1, 2007

Avalanche Bloggers Have Too Much Spare Time

The numerous and talented Avalanche bloggers on this here net of inters have combined forces. The result, the first ever Avalanche Blogger Roundtable. Nine blogs, eleven bloggers, and the answers to eight important questions you probably never thought to ask about the best team in the NHL.

The center of all the action is my other blog (the good one), Mile High Hockey.

Be sure to check it out. You've got nothing better to do, right?

September 13, 2007

New Uniforms: Toronto Sticks To Tradition, Colorado Screws The Pooch

Well, there were two RBK Edge "uniform system" unveilings yesterday, with one being a minor success and the other an unmitigated disaster.

First of all, let me congratulate the five of the Original Six for their conservative approach to the new jersey designs. Sure, some would argue that the past is boring, but the past is what gives all professional sports the meaning they have. That and steroids. But mostly it's a respect for tradition that ties fans together and gives a sport its cultural weight. Boston, the Rangers, Detroit, Montreal and now Toronto have all maintained their uniform traditions with subtle, hard-to-notice changes to old-school looks. Response among Maple Leafs fans has been generally positive so far. The Blackhawks, the only team that could conceivably ruin the streak, release their new look tomorrow on September 14th. Let's hope for the best.

On the flip side is the Colorado Avalanche. They screwed up big time. Like Florida, Nashville and the Islanders before them, they went in an entirely wrong direction with the new look of their uniforms. For a complete breakdown, check out my post at Mile High Hockey. It's a bloodbath, let me warn you.

There are still eleven teams to reveal their new looks. Let's hope for the best but expect the worst---something, say, Blackhawks fans will have no trouble with.

September 4, 2007

Turgeon To Shock The Hockey World With Official Retirement

Even though the Denver Post reported that Pierre Turgeon was on the cusp of announcing his official retirement from the NHL back in June, it appears the would-be Hall of Famer has finally gotten around to it.

According to various sources, Turgeon will officially announce the end of his hockey career on Wednesday.

Though he did score 1,327 points in 1,294 games, his lack of a Stanley Cup ring and any substantial hardware other than a Lady Byng has some wondering if he'll make the Hall Of Fame cut. I'm sure he will, but just in case, I offer this trophy as a parting gift. Nice knowing you, Sweet Pete.

July 19, 2007

Any Publicity Is Good Publicity, Right? Right?

Courtesy of TheDenverChannel.com:

A 27-year-old man rounded up in a prostitution sting last week could face stiffer charges because he admitted to knowing that he had AIDS, the Denver District Attorney's Office said Wednesday.

Garcia is being held in Denver jail in lieu of $50,000 bond. His mug shot shows him with long brown hair, wearing makeup and a Colorado Avalanche jersey.

You really can't make this stuff up.

July 13, 2007

Lazy Summer Video Post

Ray Bourque, the owner of the lowest hairline of any man his age, answers some really inane questions from some ESPN lackey about winning the Cup with Colorado in 2001.

Watch it here. And, if that doesn't work for you (ESPN's video player is buggy most of the time), just go here and look for the video player on the upper right.

As for the interview, holy crap those questions were horrible. Ask something worthwhile, you hack.

And Ray, keep chillin' on the beach, bro.

July 11, 2007

Sing A Song Of AvsNation

When there's not much else to do, I sit around and search for Avalanche videos on YouTube. I just found a great one, complete with a song actually written about the team.

There's no better way for a blogger to cover his own ass for not having anything of real substance to write than posting a YouTube clip.

Seriously, it's a slow news day. Well, week.

July 5, 2007

Ryan Smyth Is Very Rich

Or, if he's not already, he really will be when he starts cashing checks from the Avalanche.

Adrian Dater at the Post was generous enough to share the full details of Smyth's new contract with the Avalanche:

This season, Smyth will make a base salary of $5 million, and he received a additional $2.5 million signing bonus. His salary for the following four years will be $7.25 million, $6.5 million, $5.5 million and $4.5 million. His averaged cap number salary for the full term is $6.25 million.

So this season, including the signing bonus, he'll get paid $7.5 million, followed by a whopping $7.25 million next year, which, barring any huge free agent signings next July 1st or another 100+ point season from Joe Sakic, will almost guarantee that Smyth will become the Avs' highest paid player.

Not too shabby for a guy who hasn't scored more than 70 points a season. I wonder if he's in the market for a personal assistant...

Domo Arigato Mr. Svatos

After receiving a qualifying offer early this week from the Avalanche, restricted free agent winger Marek Svatos decided against arbitration and re-signed with the team today.

Svatos, you may recall, made a big splash in 2005-06, his rookie season, when he scored 32 goals in just over 60 games. This past season, however, he never quite found his place on the team and sucked something awful. A frequent healthy scratch, he finished with 15 goals and 30 total points. To say his sophomore performance was slumptastic doesn't begin to cover it.

But Svatos isn't a lost cause. He's obviously got offensive potential, it's just that he has to be paired with the perfect linemates in order to shine. He's not physical, he's not good defensively, and when he doesn't have the puck he generally looks lost on the ice. But when he does get the puck he can work magic.

The Avalanche now has three full-time right wingers---Milan Hejduk, Ian Laperriere and Svatos---and will likely either fill the remaining spot with a standout rookie from training camp (~~TJ Hensick~~ Jaroslav Hlinka, perhaps?) or will soon make a move for a veteran grinder (Dallas Drake, maybe?). At any rate, barring any huge surprises from training camp, the Avalanche roster has just about been filled out.

Hopefully Svatos can regain his past goal-scoring touch and stop sucking, or the Avs will have to find somebody to take his spot---again.

Avalanche Stuff Watch™

Another slow news day in the NHL, especially since the major free agent signings have come and gone. So, in order to avoid talking about the ongoing clusterf-ck in Nashville, I'll post another installment of the reader-favorite Avalanche Stuff Watch™!

Item #1 (a and b):

Chris Drury made big news this week by leaving Buffalo and the Sabres' co-captaincy behind for the urban caverns of New York City. He might now be playing with the Rangers, but you can still get your hands on authentic, game-worn Drury jerseys from his time with the Avalanche! And even better, you have more than one to choose from. Prefer his #37 assignment from the 2000-01 Cup year? Or maybe you like his #18 jersey a little better. Or maybe, just maybe, you have $2750 just lying around and can afford both. What's holding you back?

Item #2:

Nothing says "classy guy" like pleather apparel. Women melt at the sight of it. If you want to seriously upgrade your wardrobe, look no further than this Colorado Avalanche faux-leather men's jacket. And with a buy it now price of just $99, it's impossible to believe it's still on the market!

Item #3:

It took them a while, but finally Fathead.com has started producing hockey-related wall-hangings to match their huge inventory of enormous steroid-pumped football players. Number one on any Avalanche fan's list: a giant Joe Sakic. Sure, putting enormous pictures of grown men on your walls seems a little strange to your wife, but at $99, it's too good to pass up.

Item #4:

Hockey pucks make great collector's items. Hockey pucks with cool logos and photos on them are even better. If you're a puck fan like me, you'll definitely have trouble passing up this amazing find, now listed on eBay. That's right, it's a Colorado Avalanche puck complete with a lithograph of Peter Forsberg. Not only that, but it's arguably the worst picture of Foppa EVER! Only $4 if you act now. Hard to believe someone is actually trying to get rid of it, so take advantage of this great opportunity!

July 3, 2007

Ryan Smyth Is Not Hockey Jesus

Though he shares a striking resemblance in the hair department (blessed be thy mullet), Ryan Smyth is not the second coming of Christ on ice. In fact, he's not even a superstar in the traditional vein of superstar hockey players. He's no Dany Heatley. He's no Alexander Ovechkin. He's not even Daniel Sedin.

But you wouldn't know that if you just read Colorado Avalanche fan message boards for info. Or looked at Smyth's contract---which involves him being paid more than $6 million a year for a very long time.

Ryan Smyth is a down-low, in-the-slot grinder who specializes in tip-in shots and goalie screens. He's gritty and offensively gifted, and has great "hockey sense", but he's not a winger in the style of Teemu Selanne, the speedy, nimble sharpshooter who can score from anywhere on the ice. For an Avalanche example of that type of winger, Milan Hejduk (in his prime) comes immediately to mind.

Ryan Smyth is not that kind of guy. In fact, he's not all that statistically impressive in general:

He's never scored more than 70 points in a season, and in his 11-year career, he's only scored more than 30 goals four times. If he's worth $6 million just based on statistics alone, it's not hard to imagine somebody like Sidney Crosby earning $15 million when his contract with the Penguins eventually comes up for renegotiation. Maybe that's okay in baseball, but it can't work in the NHL.

Now, don't get me wrong, I like Ryan Smyth and think he'll make an excellent addition to the Avalanche roster, especially on a line with Paul Stastny and Milan Hejduk. Each player brings a different, complimentary style of play to the ice, and combined they could do a lot of damage (in theory, of course). But Smyth is not the best player in the NHL. He's a great leader, a gritty winger, and generally a good person to have in a locker room. Just don't get any ideas that he'll be vying for the Art Ross Trophy at the end of next season, or that the Avalanche will instantly become a Cup contender the second he steps on the ice.

His mullet, however, is unparalleled.

July 2, 2007

Joe Sakic's Secret Weapon: Hot Phone Sex

original photo courtesy of Flickr user Elan Photography

Who says Joe Sakic is a silent leader? It seems "Quoteless Joe" did plenty of talking to Ryan Smyth, since the newly-signed Avalanche winger says a phone call from the Colorado captain played a major role in his decision to leave the Islanders for Denver.

Says Smyth of the call,

"It was like the icing on the cake ... Joe as everybody knows is a world-class player, he's a future Hockey Hall of Famer. The guy handles himself with a great deal of class. There's no question he was an influence on it.''

Captain Joe doesn't have to say a lot. He's the strong, silent type. But when he does, his fellow players just melt like warm butter in his hands. Like soft, silky butter, flowing like sweet honey through his strong, manly hands...

I'll be taking a cold shower if anybody needs me.

Avalanche Clinches Deal With Ryan Smyth, Mullet-Lovers Everywhere

Gritty winger Ryan Smyth, he of the flowing mane and illustrious nickname “Captain Canada” (complete with Canadian Tuxedo?), will sign a 5-year deal with the Colorado Avalanche at an average of $6 million a year. The high-scoring former Oiler/Islander will fit in well with the Avalanche offensive system and should provide a much-needed presence deep in the slot, receiving dead-on passes from either Paul Stastny or Joe Sakic as a member of either the top or second line. Or both. Or maybe Smyth will just levitate above the ice like Hockey Jesus and toss pucks into opposing goals using only his mind. Judging from the overwhelmingly positive response among Avalanche fans, you’d think he could do that.

Smyth reportedly received competitive offers from 10 teams, including the Islanders, who acquired him last season from the Oilers at the trade deadline. The Avalanche apparently made the most appealing pitch, however. The Islanders now have nothing to show for their initial deal, which cost them two future prospects and a high draft pick. They also lost Jason Blake (40 goals) and a couple of other decent players which means their playoff days are likely done for a while.

There is no doubt that Ryan Smyth will have a positive impact on the Avs this coming season. If he doesn’t, he can join Jose Theodore on the bench, where overpaid underachievers get to hang out during Avalanche games. Theodore, whose deadline for being bought out passed yesterday, will be resuming his role as the highest-paid backup goaltender in the NHL this coming season.

July 1, 2007

"Big D" Scott Hannan Added To Avalanche Blue Line

The Avalanche landed the big d-man they were after by signing Scott Hannan to what TSN reports to be a 4-year, $18 million deal. Hannan, a 6-1, 225-pound heavy hitter will add much needed size and grit to the once-soft Colorado defensive pool.

While the contract, at over $4 million a year, seems a little bloated to me, it's still relatively cap-friendly and leaves the Avs with plenty of money to clinch the deal with Ryan Smyth.

No new details on that, however.

Gomez Disses Jersey For NYC, Ryan Smyth In Talks With Avs

ESPN just reported that Scott Gomez has agreed to a 7-year deal with the Rangers, one of the main rivals of the only team he's ever played for: the Devils. No money details yet.

Also, the Fourth Period has reported twice that Ryan Smyth is ironing out a deal with the Avalanche, which would be a major move on Colorado's part, adding offensive depth to an already potent team. No confirmation as of yet, though.

June 30, 2007

Foote Admits He's A Lousy Gambler, Shouldn't Have Left Colorado

photo courtesy PokerStarsBlog.com

Adam Foote, at one time, was a solid, exciting defenseman for the Avalanche. Not an offensive defenseman, but a great stay-at-home heavy-hitter. Then he went and signed with Columbus a couple of years ago and found himself having to carry the load for a seriously sub-par team. Things haven't gone well for him since.

His bad.

Until now, he hadn't publicly said anything to suggest that he regretted his decision to follow the money just to get stuck on a lousy, mismanaged team. Until now, that is.

In an interview with Vic Lombardi of KCNC in Denver (video here), Adam Foote actually admits to wishing he had never left his "home"---Denver and the Colorado Avalanche (around the 4 minute mark).

Dear Lord Stanley has a very short memory. I may support the Avalanche players while they're still in Denver, but once they leave, they're dead to me. I have less sympathy for departing free agents than those just unlucky to be traded, but my concern for all of them ends the second they suit up for another team. Foote, Peter Forsberg, Chris Drury, Alex Tanguay, Rob Blake, the list goes on and on. All dead to me.

But, if they were to come to their senses and return to Colorado (even if it means less money for them), then all is forgiven. Hugs and kisses all around.

Too bad most are too old to return and be of any real help, like Adam Foote (and that cripple Forsberg), so their chance to get back in my good graces has passed. I hope they don't take it too hard.

(Thanks to AD for the heads-up on the Foote interview.)

June 26, 2007

Fellow Avalanche Fans Should Keep A Lower Profile

It doesn't make me feel good to say it, but Avalanche fans should probably keep a low profile in public these days. In case you didn't hear, our team didn't make the playoffs last season. Sure, it was the first time in more than a decade, and sure, they only missed it by one point, and sure, they had the highest point total of any non-playoff team. But they missed the playoffs, and among hockey fans, that's the ultimate sin.

So, knowing this, you'd think most Avalanche fans would have the foresight to minimize their public "footprint" when attending hockey-related events. Unless it's an actual Avalanche game, leaving the Avs jersey at home is probably not a bad idea. Also not a bad idea: not carrying around a "Red Wings Suck" sign at the NHL Draft in Columbus during a concert by Yellowcard, the bassist of which is from Detroit:

Toward the later half of the concert, a Colorado Avalanche fan made his way through the crowd holding a sign reading “RED WINGS SUCK” with a bunch of photographs glued on. After seeing that sign, the lead singer tells Ryan [the bassist-DLS] to look at that sign. Ryan, who hadn’t said a word all concert, steps up to the microphone and says something like this…

"Hey 'Red Wings Sucks' guy, how did your Avs do in the playoffs? 2nd round? Oh, that’s right. They didn’t even make the playoffs."

The entire crowd that had booed Red Wings fans at the start of the concert goes “Ohhh” much to the dismay of this Avs fan.

Hey, genius, why ask for abuse? I totally understand the argument that we Avalanche fans should be proud of our team and should never resist the urge to support our boys in public, but really, why invite the wrath of a guy with a microphone and the attention of a large crowd? Just put the sign down, blend in, and patiently wait for next season with the rest of us.

Better yet, anonymously sit behind a computer and toss insults at the Dead Wings from the safety of your own home like I do. Always the safest option.

Red Wings Suck.

June 24, 2007

No Deal For Lappy?

photo courtesy Jack Dempsey/AP

The Colorado Avalanche management has already announced the signing of several prospects and free agents. Tyler Arnason will return, along with defensemen like Kurt Sauer and Jeff Finger, and captain Joe Sakic will be back, just to name a few.

Noticeably absent from the announcements is any news about the forward enforcer Ian Laperriere, the loud, rambunctious alternative to Sakic's quiet leadership of the team.

The Rocky Mountain News reported back at the end of May that The Best Nose In Hockey would soon be re-signing with the Avalanche, but nearly a full month has passed with no further word on the matter.

It should come as no surprise that Ian Laperriere is a Dear Lord Stanley favorite, and his re-signing is much encouraged. Even Scott Parker has re-signed, and that guy is damn near worthless. At least Lappy can score a few goals, in addition to throwing down every once in a while.

June 23, 2007

Colorado Draft Pick Recap, Saturday Blog Post Orgy Continues

With all seven rounds of the draft now over, nine new players have joined the Colorado Avalanche system. Most of them will play more time in their local beer leagues than in the National Hockey League. Statistically speaking, only a small number of the 200 or more young players chosen in the NHL Entry Draft every year actually make it to the NHL, and even fewer become stars. The majority play most of their careers in the minor leagues and then unceremoniously retire while still fairly young. Such is life in all professional sports, not just hockey.

Since fame and notoriety will likely escape most of them, it's my duty to give these young players at minimum the glory of a Dear Lord Stanley blog post, so I'll run down the list of new Avalanche prospects one at a time. Hopefully their mothers, at least, will be proud.

I already profiled first round pick Kevin Shattenkirk here. The rest are as follows:

Second Round

Colby Cohen, D - 45th Overall: Another offensive defenseman in the style of John Michael-Liles, a kind of player the Avalanche just can't seem to get enough of. Has decent size at 6-2 and 200 pounds, and was a major scoring threat from the blue line for the Lincoln Stars in the USHL this past season. Cites Chris Pronger as his main hockey influence, so Cohen's likely an asshole.

Trevor Cann, G - 49th Overall: Put up modest numbers in goal for a lousy Peterborough Petes team in the OHL, but gained notoriety by shutting out team USA in the final game of the World Under-18 Championships, securing the gold medal for Team Canada. Has inspired favorable scouting reports so far.

TJ Galiardi, F - 55th Overall: Had a good past season playing for Dartmouth, scored well with linemate and fellow Avalanche prospect David Jones. Is fast and has good puck-handling abilities. Now out of college, is seeking an assignment with the Lake Erie Monsters this coming season.

Fourth Round

Brad Malone, F - 105th Overall: Though listed as a center in the draft, Malone has played right wing for the Sioux Falls Stampede of the USHL and has committed to playing for the University of North Dakota next season. Is a tall power forward with average offensive abilities.

Kent Patterson, G - 113th Overall: Ranked 12th among all goalies in this year's draft class by NHL Central Scouting, is of slightly above-average height and has strong athletic ability. Played for Cedar Rapids Rough Riders of the USHL this past season.

Fifth Round

Paul Carey, F - 135th Overall: Played well for Connecticut high school Salisbury, leading them to the Division I prep school championship. Is fast on his skates and idolizes Sergei Fedorov (hopefully the Fedorov of 1997, not 2007).

Sixth Round

Jens Hellgren, D - 155th Overall: A tall, still-growing defenseman from Sweden with decent offensive ability but inconsistent defensive play. Will likely stay in Sweden.

Seventh Round

Johan Alcen, F - 195th Overall: Another inconsistent Swede, this time a forward. Is considered talented but fails to shoot the puck often enough. Will also likely not find his way out of Sweden.

What's really interesting is that, out of nine total picks, the Avalanche chose three current USHL players and two Swedes. The USHL is comprised of teams from mostly western and mid-western US towns and cities. Also, one Colorado pick plays for a US university and two have already committed to one. In other words, the Avalanche generally avoided the Canadian junior ranks with the exception of goalie Trevor Cann and focused their recruiting in the geographic area surrounding Denver. Very much a regional strategy, it appears.

Now it's up to the players to prove themselves in elite junior hockey or the varsity leagues over the next couple of years if they want a shot at the NHL. Most will fall short, but there could be a sleeper superstar among the above names.

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