Vancouver Canucks Barely Out-Suck The Edmonton Oilers

photo courtesy of Jonathan Hayward/AP
The Vancouver Canucks were barely able to surpass the lousiness of their Northwest Division rival Edmonton Oilers last night, losing a scoreless game in a shootout, 1-0.

Losing to an offensively-retarded team that only managed 19 shots on goal---most of them weak and easy to stop---is a tall order, but the Canucks were able to make it happen, rewarding the hard work of goalie Roberto Luongo with another pathetic defeat. Sure, they earned a point by dragging the game to overtime, but at least they still failed to score a goal in regulation.

"It's tough to go out there every night and not score a single point, but sometimes we get it done," said an anonymous Canucks player rumored to be center Henrik Sedin. "Roberto looked great out there tonight, so we had no choice but to give him absolutely no scoring support. That's the kind of teammates we are."

The Oilers, on the other hand, gained two points on the Minnesota Wild, who are in second place in the Northwest and who Edmonton plays tonight. This matchup will prove to be another exciting, scoreless game filled with frustrating neutral zone traps and toothless, uncoordinated offensive attacks. Western Conference hockey at its very best!

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Lowe And Behold: Brooks Comes To Edmonton GM's Defense

Edmonton Oilers general manager Kevin Lowe has grabbed headlines this summer for his outrageous restricted free agent offer sheets. First he targeted Thomas Vanek of the Sabres, to no avail. Then he tossed $21 million at Dustin Penner of the Anaheim Ducks, knowing that team was up against the salary cap and probably couldn't afford to match the inflated, totally ridiculous terms.

Sure, Lowe and Edmonton get a talented young player in Penner, but at the price of $21 million and THREE first round draft picks. Considering the likely poor showing the Oilers will make over the next three seasons due to a serious lack of depth, those picks should be very high, and the upcoming draft pools are slated to be stocked full of talent. The clear winner in this nasty situation is Anaheim.

Is Lowe and idiot? Larry Brooks of the New York Post says "Heck No!":

But the offer sheet to Penner was right out of the Group II, 101A syllabus. Lowe found a player he liked on a team that was up against the hard cap and thus vulnerable. Such a move is not only not outside the spirit of the CBA, it is codified by the labor agreement.

Oh sure, Lowe was not breaking any rules, but he WAS being an idiot. Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should. Lowe has sacrificed the future of his team for immediate gain---and extremely limited immediate gain at that. The Oilers, even with Penner, still lack depth at all positions and should have no trouble finishing at the bottom of the Northwest Division again this year.

And Brooks seems to gloss over the fact that Lowe specifically targeted the Ducks because of their cap space problem. The move reeks of malicious intent. While that may be okay under the Collective Bargaining Agreement, or even encouraged (parity is king, of course), that doesn't make it a smart decision, nor does it make it popular among other GMs.

Larry Brooks (and the Saskatoon Star Phoenix) can make all the excuses he wants. Kevin Lowe is a dick, and he'll definitely pay for it down the road.

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Sabres To Oilers: "Bring It"

The Sabres are getting low on talent. They lost Chris Drury and Daniel Briere to the free agent market, and up-and-coming talent Thomas Vanek is a restricted free agent with a big-spending suitor. Edmonton made a ridiculous 7-year, $50 million offer for Vanek, which included four first round draft picks to Buffalo because of Vanek's status as restricted.

As already discussed, the Sabres stupidly matched the offer, and will likely retain Vanek's services. But Sabres' management is not happy about the ordeal, not one bit. Says managing partner Larry Quinn, while stomping his feet and pouting:

"As it comes to the Edmonton Oilers, if there is an opportunity for us to put an offer sheet on a player at any time--as long as we're alive -- we'll be very comfortable in doing that. And they can expect it, if it's in our best interest."

Take that, you meanie heads.

Quinn and the Sabres have apparently taken great offense to Edmonton's completely legal and permitted offer to Vanek, and are probably a little put-out that they now have to pay a relatively unproven young player a crap ton of money for a very long time. But if they really wanted to hit the Oilers below the belt, they would have let Vanek go.

Huh? It's simple: the Sabres are now far less deep in talent than they were last season, and will likely suffer for a couple of years as the seventh or eighth best team in the East. Instead, they could have let Vanek go, gone into a rebuilding period immediately and enjoyed EIGHT first round picks over the next four seasons. There's no better way to rebuild a franchise than to draft high and often. Considering that half those draft picks would be coming from Edmonton, who would have Vanek as their only true star player, those picks would likely be in the top ten each year.

Edmonton would be the loser by far if they sign Vanek to a bloated, way-too-long contract with the additional loss of four draft picks. They'd take a large chunk out of their salary cap, have no young prospects out of what are predicted to be several consecutive strong draft classes in the coming years, and would probably just trade him away for nothing in the end anyway---just like they did with Ryan Smyth.

Instead of whining and crying about it, the Sabres should just let Vanek go and be confident in the fact that a few seasons from now, they'll be far stronger and more talented than the pathetic Oilers and their genius GM Kevin Lowe.

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Thomas Vanek Is One Hot Piece Of Hockey Tail

Thomas Vanek must be great in bed. Or at least, he must be great in the locker room, since Edmonton and Buffalo just got done fighting over him. Buffalo will re-sign the up-and-coming-but-still-kind-of-unproven young Vanek, but not without oodles of controversy.

Apparently, Kevin Lowe, universally-admired GM of the Oilers, temporarily went totally f-cking bat sh-t crazy and decided to make a 7-year, $50 million offer to Vanek, which included FOUR first round draft picks to Buffalo because he is still a restricted free agent. Four first round picks. FOUR. And a 7-year deal. For $50 million.

Not to be outdone in the genius department, Buffalo GM Darcy Regier then matched the offer, which Vanek, likely realizing the impossibility that anything this balls-out amazing will ever happen to him again, is sure to sign. His pay last year was $942 thousand. This coming season he will make $5 million, and that's just the beginning. The breakdown of his income over the length of the contract, in millions of dollars, will be: 5, 5, 6.4, 6.4, 6.4, 6.4, 6.4. That's right. No matter how good he becomes---or how bad he gets---Vanek is guaranteed to make over $6 million for five straight seasons, starting in 2009-10. Bear in mind that he's only had one good season in his limited NHL career. He could still totally choke.

Obviously, so-called "small market" teams like Edmonton and Buffalo are not exactly short on cash to throw around, just short on brains.

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Blues Likes ‘em Short, Oilers Caps Likes ‘em Swedish

TSN reports that the speedy but smallish Paul Kariya has left the collapsing wasteland of Nashville for the already-collapsed wasteland of St. Louis, signing a three-year deal with the Blues. Kariya’s not the superstar he used to be, but he’s still quick and still productive. Can’t ask for much more than that.

Michael Nylander, a high-scoring center with the Rangers last season, has decided to try out the icy tundra of western Canada, signing an undisclosed deal with the Edmonton Oilers. The Rangers won’t miss him much, considering they signed centers Scott Gomez and Chris Drury on the first day of free agency signings.

UPDATE: Initial reports were false. Nylander has signed a 4-year contract with the Capitals, filling the huge gap at center that team has suffered for some time.

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Worst Case Scenario

It is true that if Colorado loses to Vancouver tonight, their playoff hopes are over. It is also true that if Calgary beats San Jose, the Avs' playoff hopes are over. Either of those possibilities is depressing enough for most fans, but the real worst-case-scenario won't reach its pinnacle until Sunday.

Pretend for a moment that the Avalanche beat the Canucks tonight, say 11-1 (we're pretending), and the Flames lose to the Sharks. Then, the Avs beat the Nashville Predators at home and the Flames lose again, this time to Edmonton (really, we're still pretending). That sets up a true showdown as the Avalanche face the Flames---at home---in the final game of the season on Sunday. The Avs would trail the Flames by only one point, and would need to win (even if it's in overtime) to surpass the Flames and claim the final playoff spot in the Western Conference.

Pretend that all of that happens, and the final showdown really does take place.

And now pretend that the Avs blow the game and lose, missing the playoffs on the final day after a phenomenal 14-2-2 run over the last 18 games of the season. Now, wouldn't that be depressing?

It's amazing the Avalanche have made it this far and still have a chance. The only consolation, I suppose, is that if the NHL had never adopted the ridiculous policy of giving one point to a team that loses in overtime, the Avs would currently be only two points behind Calgary instead of five. But enough pretending already.

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A Loss, But A Win For Arnason

Tyler Arnason isn't the most prolific scorer in the NHL. He's not even close to being the top scorer on the Colorado Avalanche. He's currently fifth on the team with 46 points, just 42 points behind captain Joe Sakic, the Ageless Wonder. While Arnason isn't going to make a huge dent on the scoreboard over the course of a season, he has taken it to the Edmonton Oilers this year.

Despite the loss to Edmonton in overtime yesterday (really, how do you lose that game?), Arnason tallied two assists. He had three assists the game before, also against the Oilers on March 21st. This is not unlike him, as he leads all other Avs in scoring against the Oilmen with eleven points in eight games.

In addition to the most recent multi-assist efforts against Edmonton already mentioned above, Arnason scored a goal in a loss on October 14th, two goals and an assist in a win on November 30th, and a goal and an assist in a win on December 15th. Not too bad for a guy that has never been known as a major offensive threat.

So the question is, if a guy like Tyler Arnason can step up his game and score well against the sorry Oilers, why couldn't the rest of the Avalanche do it last night?

And where the hell has Stastny gone?

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Edmonton 4, Colorado 3 (SO)

Blowing a one-goal lead in the last two minutes of regulation, failing to score in overtime and then completely dropping the ball in the shootout (all against arguably the worst team in the NHL right now) is not an effective way to make the playoffs, dear Avalanche.

The good news is the next two games are against division-leading Vancouver, who is just 8-1-1 in its last ten games. No pressure.

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Colorado 5, Edmonton 1

The Avs swept into Edmonton last night and crushed the Oilers with ease, improving their record over the last ten games to 9-0-1. Not that beating the Oilmen is really that big of a deal, as the former team of Ryan Smyth has apparently all but packed their bags and permanently left the proverbial building. They've lost twelve straight games.

As for the Avalanche, they continue on their make-the-playoffs-or-die-trying tear, chasing down the on-again, off-again Flames of Calgary.

It's cool to see Colorado doing so well, but one has to ask, where the hell were they the rest of the season? Why are they still four points out of the playoffs after going 9-0-1 in the last ten games?

Hello?

What is particularly telling is which Avalanche players haven't been playing during this impressive streak. Peter Budaj has finally become THE starting goalie, and with much success, at the expense of uber-disappointment Jose Theodore, who hasn't played since February 25th, the last non-overtime loss the team has suffered this season. Also not playing is constantly-hurt Jordan Leopold, the defenseman received in the asinine trade of Alex Tanguay to the Flames.

Also missing in action is ironman defenseman Karlis Skrastins, who, promptly after setting the league record for most consecutive games played by a blueliner, got himself hurt. He hasn't played since February 24th. The man touted as the backbone of the Avs appears to have been either holding them back or else not having much effect at all. Without him, the Avs can't lose.

With any luck, coach Joel Quenneville won't rush Leopold or Skrastins (neither of whom are really that great anyway) back into the lineup if and when they recover from their ailments. And also with any luck, the front office will dump them after this season and invest in some real defensemen.

What are the odds of that?

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