Gratuitous Tuesday: CuthDuff Edition

As per usual, not much is going on in the world of professional hockey these days. The offseason is in full-swing, ESPN keeps posting stupid articles that you have to pay to read and the Nashville Predators are still screwed.

Speaking of screwing things, Elisha Cuthbert was in the news recently, having just signed on to play Tim Allen's daughter in a movie about a serial monogamist whose apparent death creates a firestorm among the females in and out of his life. That doesn't really have anything to do with hockey, but this does. The UK tabloid website Holy Moly quotes Cuthbert talking about hockey blogging and then immediately mocks her for it. How they managed to mock hockey AND my future wife in the same sentence is both impossible to understand and impossible to forgive. Holy Moly, this means war.

Oh, and in the world of puck bunny Hilary Duff, it appears that the press in India---of all places---has become really obsessed with her lately. Weird.

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Pardon The Boredom

There just isn't a lot to be cynical about in the hockey world right now, with the ongoing league-wide ban on interesting news still, apparently, in full effect. When the NHL gives me something to roll my eyes at, I'll start posting again.

Until then, everyone should get a new hobby like I did. Dancing.

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Eight Things You Couldn't Care Less About

I have to be totally honest with you, I hate blog memes. Can't stand them.

I don't hate Teebz over at Hockey Blog In Canada, however, and since he's a friend of DLS and a fellow follower of athletics aesthetics, I will always give him the benefit of the doubt, to a fault. Unfortunately, he has "tagged" me to participate in one such insidious blog meme. Because he is not a terrible person, I have no choice but to play along---though with regret and against my better judgment.

So, first of all, the rules of this horrible meme, courtesy of Teebz:

1. All right, here are the rules.
2. We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.
3. Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
4. People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
5. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

Click below for my eight random personal facts and/or habits.


1. I would never buy an authentic NHL jersey to wear because I am not an authentic NHL player. Besides, they're expensive. The only authentic jerseys I would ever buy would have to have been game-worn, because then they'd truly be authentic. But those are even more expensive, so I don't buy those either. I only own two jerseys, both replicas, and both were on sale. That's how I roll.

2. I would never wear an NHL jersey with a player's name on it. I don't believe any grown man should ever wear another grown man's name on his back. Be your own person. If I could afford actual game-worn jerseys with players' names on the back, I would frame them, not wear them. Anyway, players come and go from teams so often these days---how many Avs fans now wish they had "Smyth" on the back of their jersey instead of "Skoula"?

3. I am aware that other people have perfectly valid opinions different than my own.

4. I have taken two different long-term girlfriends to NHL games (at different times, of course). They both seemed bored and one of them eventually broke up with me. The other is still around, but I'm sure she's mad at me for something. Probably the hockey game I made her go to.

5. I obviously love hockey, but I think baseball is the greatest, most perfect sport ever invented. It is beautifully complex and yet sublime. I never pass up the opportunity to see a baseball game for free and make it a point to see at least one MLB game a year---not bad considering I don't live in a city with an MLB team.

6. I don't have a favorite baseball team, though I do follow (and sympathize with) the Cubs because my best friend is a rabid fan of that historically bad Chicago team.

7. As far as media coverage of sports goes, I think most newspaper and TV reporters are completely full of sh-t and take themselves far too seriously. I also think that most bloggers are even worse.

8. Finally, I hereby resolve to never again participate in a blog meme. Ever. I will not "tag" anyone else in the hope that this meme will die here, with me. I still love Teebz, though. No hard feelings.

You know, when I think about it, I'm not sure which is worse---people who willingly engage in the propagation of blog memes or those who self-righteously complain about it and then do it anyway. Probably the latter is worse. I suck.

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Fellow Avalanche Fans Should Keep A Lower Profile

It doesn't make me feel good to say it, but Avalanche fans should probably keep a low profile in public these days. In case you didn't hear, our team didn't make the playoffs last season. Sure, it was the first time in more than a decade, and sure, they only missed it by one point, and sure, they had the highest point total of any non-playoff team. But they missed the playoffs, and among hockey fans, that's the ultimate sin.

So, knowing this, you'd think most Avalanche fans would have the foresight to minimize their public "footprint" when attending hockey-related events. Unless it's an actual Avalanche game, leaving the Avs jersey at home is probably not a bad idea. Also not a bad idea: not carrying around a "Red Wings Suck" sign at the NHL Draft in Columbus during a concert by Yellowcard, the bassist of which is from Detroit:

Toward the later half of the concert, a Colorado Avalanche fan made his way through the crowd holding a sign reading “RED WINGS SUCK” with a bunch of photographs glued on. After seeing that sign, the lead singer tells Ryan [the bassist-DLS] to look at that sign. Ryan, who hadn’t said a word all concert, steps up to the microphone and says something like this…

"Hey 'Red Wings Sucks' guy, how did your Avs do in the playoffs? 2nd round? Oh, that’s right. They didn’t even make the playoffs."

The entire crowd that had booed Red Wings fans at the start of the concert goes “Ohhh” much to the dismay of this Avs fan.

Hey, genius, why ask for abuse? I totally understand the argument that we Avalanche fans should be proud of our team and should never resist the urge to support our boys in public, but really, why invite the wrath of a guy with a microphone and the attention of a large crowd? Just put the sign down, blend in, and patiently wait for next season with the rest of us.

Better yet, anonymously sit behind a computer and toss insults at the Dead Wings from the safety of your own home like I do. Always the safest option.

Red Wings Suck.

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Mark Messier: Hero Of Men

It's a slow day in the hockey world, so I'll aim your attention toward the Sports Hernia, who reminds us all why Mark Messier is a true leader among leaders, a real hero of men:

The crowd burst into a thunderous ovation as the visibly fatigued Mess was helped off-stage by a couple of swimsuit models. Right before disappearing into the darkness though, he turned and winked to the crowd, which immediately erupted into a giant orgy.

Canadian officials have confirmed that they are in fact erecting the "Le Coc Tower" in Montreal to honor Messier’s entry into the Hall.

That's right, Mark Messier has been named the newest member of the Bone Zone Hall Of Fame, whatever that is. He deserves it.

Thanks to Jes Golbez for the link.

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Future Stars, Current Lefties

I was bored, and there's hardly any Avalanche-related news to report these days (except maybe that Sakic shot a +5 on a Denver golf course the other day) , so I was browsing through the final NHL rankings of prospects for the upcoming entry draft.

Kyle Turris moved up to first place among North American skaters, in case anyone cares, beating out Patrick Kane who had led the rankings most of the year. But really, only the Blackhawks care about that.

Anyway, I was skimming the list of European prospects and noticed something really weird (at least to me). They all, with three exceptions, shoot left-handed. Out of 30 kids, only THREE shoot right. How is this possible? Is this typical in Europe?

So I did some checking of current NHL players from Europe, mostly high-profile ones to see if they all shoot left-handed too. This is what I found:

Dany Heatly, Germany, shoots left
Marian Hossa, Slovakia, shoots left
Jaromir Jagr, Czech Republic, shoots left
Olli Jokinen, Finland, shoots left
Pavel Datsyuk, Ukraine, shoots left
Evgeni Malkin, Russia, shoots left
Daniel Sedin, Sweden, shoots left
Henrik Sedin, Sweden, shoots left
Slava Kozlov, Russia, shoots left
Saku Koivu, Finland, shoots left
Alexander Semin, Russia, shoots left

And the only notable standouts:

Teemu Selanne, Finland, shoots right
Alex Ovechkin, Russia, shoots right
Ilya Kovalchuk, Russia, shoots right

So the question is, why do most European players shoot left-handed? I'm sure a lot of them are naturally right-handed, but they are obviously trained (or for some reason just feel more comfortable) to shoot left. Anybody know the real reason?

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