Joe Sakic's Secret Weapon: Hot Phone Sex

original photo courtesy of Flickr user Elan Photography

Who says Joe Sakic is a silent leader? It seems "Quoteless Joe" did plenty of talking to Ryan Smyth, since the newly-signed Avalanche winger says a phone call from the Colorado captain played a major role in his decision to leave the Islanders for Denver.

Says Smyth of the call,

"It was like the icing on the cake ... Joe as everybody knows is a world-class player, he's a future Hockey Hall of Famer. The guy handles himself with a great deal of class. There's no question he was an influence on it.''

Captain Joe doesn't have to say a lot. He's the strong, silent type. But when he does, his fellow players just melt like warm butter in his hands. Like soft, silky butter, flowing like sweet honey through his strong, manly hands...


I'll be taking a cold shower if anybody needs me.

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Avalanche Stuff Watch™

He may not have won the Lady Byng, but Avalanche captain Joe Sakic has won the honor of becoming just the third hockey player to join Upper Deck's roster of ridiculously over-stylized vinyl toys.

Limited to just 1500 in home (dark) colors and 500 in away (white) colors, the toys hit the market on June 19th at a completely reasonable action figure price of $49.99. They go up for sale at exactly 9:19AM PDT next Tuesday. Unfortunately, they don't seem to allow pre-orders. Looks like I'll have to stop whatever I had planned to do and instead sit anxiously at the computer with credit card in hand.

Not like I had anything better to do anyway.

Close-ups of the toys after the jump.






For more shots, go here.

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The Avalanche Will Get Nothing And Like It

Last night the National Hockey League held their annual awards gala, handing out the hardware to the best players in the highest level of professional hockey. Among those nominated were Avalanche players Joe Sakic (Lady Byng Trophy for most sportsmanlike play) and Paul Stastny (Calder Trophy for best rookie).

Having won it previously in 2001 (along with a few other trophies), Sakic was the favorite by far for the Byng, despite having higher penalty minutes than the other two candidates, Pavel Datsyuk and Martin St. Louis. Stastny faced stiffer opposition from Russian phenom Evgeni Malkin, but some very compelling arguments had been made on behalf of Peter Stastny's sensational younger son---Paul was a dark horse, but a strong one.

But, consistent with the kind of season their team just suffered, both Stastny and Sakic went home empty-handed from the awards show.

Stastny finished second in the balloting to Malkin, who, having the benefit of playing on the same power play unit as the best offensive player in the entire league, racked up more points overall and that's really all the voters care about. Never mind Son Of Stastny's superb performance killing penalties (something Malkin did almost none of) as well as his record-setting 20-game points streak. None of that seemed to matter.

As for Sakic, his defeat at the hands of a dirty Dead Wings player was sadly predictable. With higher total penalty minutes, Sakic's widely respected styles of disciplined on-ice play and quiet leadership just couldn't seal the deal. In fact, he finished third in the voting, not only behind the winner Datsyuk, but also behind Martin St. Louis, who obviously benefited from a few pro-dwarf sympathy votes.

An appropriately fitting end to a similarly frustrating season for the entire Colorado team. Sigh.

The complete list of award winners can be found here.

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Postseason Housecleaning

Now that the season is officially over for the Avalanche, and before we get caught up in all the playoff hoopla, we here at Dear Lord Stanley would like to share with you our recommendations for free agent signings and free agent cuttings. Below is the list of players we think the Avs should re-sign to new contracts as well as the dead weight we think the Avs should dump prior to next year.

Without further ado:

And...



Word on the street is that Super Joe has already agreed to a new deal, which comes as no surprise whatsoever. And despite other rumors that he would like to finish his career in Vancouver (some day, probably in 2034), we highly doubt it. The Captain is here to stay until he is no longer able to score 100 points in a season---which could be a very long time from now, by the looks of it.

UPDATE: It's not a rumor anymore.

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Colorado 6, Calgary 3 (The REAL End)

At least they went out on a high note. Not a Dan Hinote, but a high note nonetheless.

The Avs beat the Flames handily in a come-from-behinder that included Joe Sakic reaching 100 points, Jose Theodore actually winning a game, and rookie hero Paul Stastny recording a goal and an assist.

And to top it all off, Ian Laperriere beat the living crap out of Flames Doucheman Dion Phaneuf for a cheap-shot on Dear Lord Stanley favorite Tyler Arnason.

photo courtesy AP/Jack Dempsey (how fitting?)

Said Lappy:

"Nineteen players out of 20 on their team knew exactly how the game was going to be played: play hard but don't be stupid. At the end, it was a stupid hit. We don't want to hurt them going into the playoffs and nobody wants to get hurt going into the summer. You can play hard and smart, but he decided to take a run at Arnason and I felt it was the place to tell him it's not right.

"You just can't do that. You've got to respect the game because it's going to come back and bite you."

Too bad the game itself didn't really mean anything...

Except this: The team that deserves the eighth spot the most will not be in the playoffs this year.

For the first time in my entire life I'm actually rooting for the Dead Wings to win a playoff series. I hope Detroit crushes the Flames in four games, all shutouts, and reminds them that literally backing into the playoffs with the help of a ridiculous one-point-for-an-overtime-loss system will not cut it in the NHL. Destroy them, Dead Wings.

Just make sure you lose the next round, of course.

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Better Late Than Never?

In an article posted today by Denver Post sports writer Adrian Dater, Avalanche captain Joe Sakic shares a nugget of wisdom that boggles the mind:

"We didn't need a rental player," Avs captain Joe Sakic said. "We've got a great group of guys here. Guys got more committed to playing in our end and everybody's playing as a team. Now we're on this run, and we're excited about it.

"(Giguere) gave us a chance. He stuck with this group. The confidence he showed in the hockey club was a big thing. We started to play relaxed and started winning games. We really believe in one another now."

You believe in one another now?! Well gosh, Joe, it only took 65 GAMES for you guys to start believing in one another. I guess that's better late than never.

Here's a hint, fellas. You're probably not going to be a very successful team unless you believe in yourselves ALL SEASON LONG. I know this is a big mental stretch, but please try to grasp it.

And while Avs GM Francois Giguere looks like a genius now (by doing almost nothing at the trade deadline), what would have been the reaction if the Avs lost the last ten games, or even maintained their win one, lose one routine so common during the rest of the season? If all it took to turn things around was a little confidence and trust in each other, why did it have to come so late?

On a related note, Calgary won again last night, meaning the Avs are still six points out of the playoffs with only nine to play. Let's hope their new-found confidence lasts a while longer.

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