When Bunnies Attack!

I know some people probably resent the term, but the girlfriends and wives (and groupies) of professional hockey players have for a very long time been referred to as "Puck Bunnies". I'm sure this is the first and only term used to belittle women in the entire history of sports. But I digress.

Lately, the only consistent headlines hockey players have been getting have been relationship-related. Six young and not-so-young ladies in particular have become the talk of the hockey world as of late.

In an effort to accurately document the important issues facing the National Hockey League, I will take the time to explore each of these ladies and the reason for their recent notoriety. I'm selfless like that.

Bunny #1: Hilary Duff

Hilary Duff is an actress. Or she's a singer. Or maybe she's both. I wouldn't know for sure because I don't listen to music or watch movies (takes time away from watching hockey), but I'm told she's a very talented person. She's also reasonably attractive. She also happens to be dating a nice young man named Mike Comrie, who until he was signed by the Islanders a couple of weeks ago, played hockey for the Ottawa Senators. The only mildly interesting thing about their budding relationship is that they hit it off first on a trip to Idaho. Idaho? Holy crap hockey players are boring.

Bunny #2: Willa Ford

Willa Ford was on Dancing With The Stars opposite some dude with a mullet. Before that, she was in a little-known men's magazine called Playboy (NSFW). I've never heard of it either. Currently, she's engaged to marry none other than American hockey hero Mike Modano, and she likes to tell people by flashing the gigantic ring he was likely guilted into buying her. But anyway, she took all her clothes off and posed for pictures a couple of years ago---I assume to promote herself as a serious, talented individual with opinions worth considering. Some of those opinions garnered a little attention recently. I'm sure Mike is proud. Mike might not be proud of the 80 or so pounds Willa has packed on to play Anna Nicole Smith in a biopic nobody really wants to see, however. Ugh.

Bunny #3: Elisha Cuthbert

All you need to know about Elisha Cuthbert is that she's smoking hot. Sure, she's currently starring in a weird-ass torture porn movie and she's dating notorious asshole Sean Avery, but really, none of that matters at all. She's absolutely smoking hot. Good lord.

Bunny #4: Kellie Pickler

Who the hell is Kellie Pickler? Ms. Pickler (hee hee) was an early-season reject from American Idol a year or two (or three or whenever) ago and since then the only thing she's managed to do with any kind of fanfare is date Nashville Predators resident jerk Jordin Tootoo. Apparently they're totally in love. Anyway, the only thing really interesting about Ms. Pickler is the strange transformation her chest area has undergone in the past couple of months. Interesting.

Bunny #5: Carol Alt

Carol Alt isn't getting any younger. She used to be a really hot model back in the 1980s, but since then she's transformed into quite a cougar with a penchant for lazy, greedy hockey players who are much, much younger than her and just totally misunderstood. She recently made the papers for bravely defending her unmarried domestic partner Alexei Yashin from his many, many, many detractors. Go get 'em, cougar.

Bunny #6: Janet Jones Gretzky

Janet Jones is the quintessential, end-all-be-all of puck bunnies. She is the ultimate. Once a major model and Playboy pinup sensation, Jones really gained fame and fortune when she married Wayne Gretzky. She's much older now and has a bit of a gambling problem, but she's still pretty hot. That is, if you're into hot, rich older chicks. And really, who isn't?

So, the question for you is, who's the hottest? Do newcomers Duff and Pickler have a youth advantage? Does Willa Ford take the cake because she's totally willing to get naked for money? What about established and sophisticated veteran bunnies like Carol Alt and Janet Gretzky? Or does pure, unadulterated (but worth the adultery) hotness make Elisha Cuthbert the runaway champion? You decide.

(Special thanks to both With Leather and Z czuba of Poland for the 1000+ extra visitors.)

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