"World Leader In Sports" Invokes Many, Many Other Four Letter Words Than "ESPN"

ESPN is no doubt the World Leader when it comes to sports. We know this because absolutely nothing even remotely considered a sport is left uncovered by the tireless sports journalists at the network. But it's not just the reporters, anchors and talking head opinionists (™ 2007, DLS) that should receive commendation. The program directors are true heroes as well.

Because, without them, we would all miss the 2007 Bud Light USA Rock Paper Scissors League National Championship in Las Vegas, which aired Saturday night on ESPN2. That's right, rock-paper-scissors. Finally, ESPN has the courage to air a true athletic event which only the A&E network had had the balls to do in the past.

Why waste time on a sport like ice hockey, which involves keen hand-eye coordination, well-developed leg strength and balance, a high level of aerobic endurance and a strong, physical body type? After all, hockey doesn't translate well to TV and just gets so boring. Not like golf or tennis, or NASCAR, or poker, or rock-paper-scissors. Those sports are exciting!

Clearly, ESPN has only our best interest as sports fans in mind. By airing the rock-paper-scissors tournament, complete with blatant alcohol sponsorship and transparently snarky announcers, we have all gained a better appreciation for the most difficult of human athletic endeavors---pumping your outstretched hand repeatedly toward some guy almost as drunk as you. Forget baseball, these fine rock-paper-scissors athletes are the true "boys of summer."

If only there was someone we could thank personally for this great spectacle. Maybe Ilan Ben-Hanan, the director of programming and acquisitions at ESPN, could be that person since he was directly responsible for the coverage. Just drop a note to his email address, Ilan.ben-hanan@espn.com, and thank him personally for his hard work bringing only the greatest of sports to his network's viewers. I did.

UDPATE: Apparently, Mr. Ben-Hanan is on vacation. After sending him an email, I received an auto reply from his account stating he would be out of the office until July 16th. Despite the delay, I hope there will be many more happy, supportive notes from fellow hockey fans to greet him when he returns to work.